Tick Tock

Just a quick one whilst I'm sat here wallowing in my own self pity... 


Been pondering on several things just recently, none of which are particularly good... Some naturally & obviously have been about myself but also thoughts of others. 


I've always tried to treat others like I'd like to be treated myself & I think that by doing this I've become a bit of a soft touch & some people have taken advantage of this... But then I have no one to blame but myself. So for now I'm going to just have to keep my mouth shut but I will have my day, but it will have to be sooner rather than later.... Time's a ticking & I'm a walking bomb!!


I do sometimes wonder when I do die who will truly miss me & for the right reasons. 
I know undoubtedly of one or two that will, but to the rest I'll just become a vague memory, no longer able to give them what they want/need... Some may just grieve cos they feel they should or maybe just use it for their own self pitying needs.. I suppose really it won't matter cos I will no longer be here to witness it as such & be able to speak my mind on it all.


My days don't get easier they get harder. Every day is a battle to fight, to put that smile on my face & carry on as though everything's fine...nothing's different. Whereas in reality my whole life has fallen apart.
I'm tired... Tired of losing... Tired of crying... Tired of trying... Tired of life.


There is only one person who truly knows, understands, as best they can, how I feel. Only one person that I can bear my heart & soul to. They don't tell me to 'pull my socks up'... to 'get a grip'... to 'not feel sorry for myself'. They just listen when I need to talk, let me cry & lash out at the world & by them doing this I am able to truly smile when I'm with them.
They don't try to change my point of view, just hope in time that I'll see things differently, & if I don't that's not a problem to them.


You can be surrounded by material things, a nice car, a little bit of money in the bank, somewhere decent to live, but when you're on your own none of it really means anything. 
I'd happily trade all I have to have what I truly want, but sadly it's not that easy...


Enough of my wallowing. I need to find a screwdriver to fix my curtain pole!! 

The Battle Begins

I'm trying to write in here more regularly, mainly to keep a reminder of how I'm feeling & where I'm at with the world...


Got so much going off in my head though it's hard to know where to begin, so this actually could take some doing.


I saw my psychiatrist the other week, thankfully he is a lovely bloke who I am able to talk to. With my sleep being so crap, my anxiety levels not good & constant racing thoughts, he put me back on Quetiapine, which does do it's job but I don't want to become reliant on it.
Also my social worker is amazing. I can truly open up to her & share my thoughts & fears of my future. Now that everything is over where Jamie is concerned, as in I've set up his memorial page Jamie Jon Hylton, where people are able to visit & leave stories, thoughts, photos & music & also the interment of some of his ashes has been done, she feels this is now the time to start worrying about me. She feels now I don't have a focus as such I could be on dangerous ground. Got to admit I'm with her on this one. 


I can't believe it's 9 months since his farewell service... I can still see it all as clear as day, yet it still doesn't seem real. I'm still receiving messages from people offering their condolences & it's been good in many ways to catch up with some of his old friends & talk about many different things, some of them really are helping me, making me think about my future too & how to deal with certain issues.


I know I'm lucky in many ways. I have the love of my friends but sometimes it isn't enough. 
They all have their own lives to lead in so many different ways, that I feel I'm being a burden. None of them has said this but that's how I feel. It's a lonely, painful path I'm leading. My world has stopped & everyone carries on around me. Don't get me wrong I'm not expecting anyone to be there for me 24/7. I want everyone to be doing their own thing & I'm glad that those truly important to me do have things in their life, so when it does come my time to leave here their lives will be able to carry on as normal. 
By saying this does not mean I'm making plans to end my life, just that I know that my loved ones will have things to keep them going when I do go.
This is something I am lacking. 
The majority of my time is spent alone, with just my thoughts to contend with. I don't want sympathy, I guess it's more a case of people being aware that I am in pain. I am lost. There's nothing or nobody that can take that away.
Yeah I smile & laugh but inside I am dead & just so so tired of fighting a losing a battle, but I've not given up just yet.


I've just had my living room decorated, so I have had that to focus on, getting it all how I want... only a few more bits to add then it'll be complete, so it will be a case of finding something else to focus on, but it is hard when your life has been torn into a million pieces.


Maybe for now I shouldn't continue writing. I should wait until I can write more positively, just sometimes I need to get these things out, then in 6 months time I can read back on this & see how far I have come & what I have achieved.


So that's it for now. xxx

CNV always Jamie xxxxx

Yesterday was a sad but good day....

Myself & my friends, Andie, Liane (along with Coco) & DK, plus Jamie's Mum & Step-Dad gathered at the plot I have bought to lay some of his ashes there. The rest still remain with me & will until it is my turn to go, then we'll both be going out with a bang!!

The lovely Minister Jonathan, who lead Jamie's funeral was also there & Sue from the cemeteries office.

The day started off with beautiful sunshine, but by lunchtime the sky was grey & looked like it was going to chuck it down.

I'd been to the florist & picked up the flowers... they truly had done a beautiful job. They even gave me a bunch of lilac roses to bring home. Such a lovely gesture.

Anyway DK & I went up to the cemetery to make sure the plaque was clean & to put the flowers in place ready for the interment. The only ones that weren't placed in then were the single roses that myself, Andie, Liane, DK & Yvonne had got for him. Sadly Yvonne couldn't be with us, but her rose was placed along with the others at the end of the service.

Whilst DK was sorting the other flowers it did start to spot with rain & I truly thought the heavens were going to open, but by the time we all met up properly ready to start the service, the sun came out, shining & warm. So maybe there is something in the power of prayer, or maybe it was Jamie spreading his warmth & light upon us. Then again it could just have been the British weather. Whatever it was it was truly beautiful.

The basic but appropriate words were said by Jonathan & then I lowered the small  casket into the ground. We all shared some silence to remember Jamie in our way, for the different gifts he had given us all as husband, son & friend. 

Jonathan then read this poem, that Liane wrote a little while ago

For Jamie, this is what I (selfishly) ask of you, for someone who is loved deeply, by many.

Did anyone really know you?
Many really loved you,
Some were truly loved by you,
No-one will ever forget you..

Do you know what good you did?
What the purpose of your life is?
Just because you now are gone,
Does not mean your work here's done...

You had a gift within you,
When nurtured by love, not only grew,
But infected those surrounding you, 
To smile, laugh, love & be happy too..

You found your one true love,
Who now you watch from up above.
Everyday I ask of you & pray,
Please give her strength for one more day.

The joy and love you brought to life,
Is missed by all, but most your wife,
Your wife, your love, your heart & soul,
Who now you're gone, will never feel whole.

Two people, one love, true soulmates,
Brought together by love & fate,
So suddenly & tragically torn in two,
Each day is a battle to be faced without you.

Her pain her grief is so clear to see,

Even with time it will not ease,

Please give her love, strength & protection,
Until in heaven you can meet again.

xxx Liane Winters xxx

I'd been crying before this but it certainly set me off again.

After all was done & we had sprinkled the dust onto his casket, we chatted together for a short while, then, Jonathan, Sue, Eunice & John (Jamie's Mum & Step-Dad) made their departure & it was just myself & my dear friends, whom are my own special family, sat on the grass chatting & enjoying each others company. Although yes it was a sad day I was lucky to be with those who truly love me & who have stuck by me through thick & thin. So my thanks to DK, Liane & Andie for being there for me. Love you all. xxxxx

Here's a photo of the plaque & the flowers in all their glory.

Thanks for reading xxx

One Last Chance

I'm really not sure what I'm going to put here today... 


My thoughts have been very much all over the place. With this happening it's made it very difficult to properly concentrate on things & my sleep has been pretty poor. Hopefully though the sleep thing will soon be sorted as I'm being put back on my old friend Quetiapine, which usually does tend to knock me out. Something I'm desperately needing at the moment. At least when I'm asleep I have no worries & out of the pain that I'm still experiencing.


Jamie's plaque was finally put in place on Friday & on Sunday, which was his birthday, I spent a good few hours sitting next to it... talking to him in my own way. I was joined by a few of his family but more importantly for me my two best friends DK & Liane. 

Just got the little service to have now to place some of his ashes with it. The lovely Minister, who took Jamie's farewell service, will be there that day to say a few words, along with a few of Jamie's family, myself & a few of my chosen family, who were very close to Jamie also. Then it's just a matter of waiting for the kerb set to be put in place & it will be the perfect place of remembrance of such an amazing person who touched so many peoples lives in so many different ways.


So that aside, life is still a struggle. I am trying so hard each day to make the most of things, but it isn't easy.
I don't feel right in myself, can't explain why or how, just have a feeling of impending doom. 
Depression is at an all time low, despite the smile I put on my face when I'm out & about. I don't know what I want any more. 
In many ways I like my solitude but in others I like to be with certain people, but then when I am I wanting my solitude again.... I don't understand it myself, so don't expect anyone else to.


I'm going to start reading a book soon called Sunbathing in the Rain by Gwyneth Lewis...
The first paragraph of the introduction sums up depression that makes perfect sense to me...

"Every serious episode of depression is a murder mystery. Your old self is gone & in its place is a ghost that is unable to feel any pleasure in food, conversation or or in any of your usual forms of entertainment. You become a body bag. Moving a pile of books can take days, as the objects in the room have a stronger will than your own. You are both the corpse & the detective. Without alibis - work, a social life - there's nowhere to go. Your job is to find out which part of you has died & why it had to be killed."

Also this song has been making me think a lot of myself

James Morrison ~ One Last Chance

Maybe for now I've said enough, so will sign out.
xxx

Broken

Well it's been some time since I was last here. There's been many times I've wanted to write but just haven't known what I want to say... there's so much & yet so hard to express it all.


Since Jamie passed on 12th Sept last year, life really hasn't been the same & never will be. There's not one day that he isn't in my thoughts, definitely plenty of 'what ifs' & why? And when I do manage to sleep it's with tears rolling down my face. I cry during the day too, thinking of all the happy times we shared & knowing that all I've got now are my memories, there's no more to be added to my life with the one person I truly loved & still love. No more hugs, no more kisses, no one to hold me at night & tell me life will be ok. 
The pain is unbearable... my heart is broken into a million pieces & it'll never be put back together again. I'm slowly dying inside. Most of me died that day in all honesty.
I'll never forget that knock on the door... I just knew who it was before I even opened the door & knew what I was going to be told. Of course I cried, but then I was just numb & in shock.
Whilst the police were still with me I rang DK, who came straight over from Chesterfield to be with me & I let them make the decisions for me. I didn't want to leave here but knew I wouldn't be safe if left on my own. A bag was packed but I don't know if I did it or DK. All I do remember is being taken over to Chesterfield & going to Jamie's Mum & sitting up with her all night. I know we cried together but I don't remember talking much, we were both were in severe shock.


The following morning  we were collected by the police to go to the hospital for me to identify the body. That image will stay with me forever.
I know on the Tuesday evening I became hysterical & rang the hospital wanting to see him again, but as the post mortem was being carried on the Wednesday morning I wasn't able to see him til lunchtime of that day.  just didn't want to believe it was real... I still don't.
You share four magical years & then it's taken away from you in a flash.


I will put my hands up & say we were having some problems, many of which I blame myself for... If only I'd tried harder & not giving up on things in the way I had, but I had fallen into a depression, not that that's an excuse, but it was only in the last couple of months of his life that things were more strained. But the fact I'd befriended a slag didn't help matters with her throwing herself at Jamie. Don't get me wrong I know it takes two to tango, but she made out she was a friend but obviously had a game plan from the beginning. I was warned by my friends about her but thru my own stupidity I took no notice. I sure as hell learnt the hard way. I'm being a lot more careful now, even tho I'm on my own now. 
I do still get very angry about her, especially the way she went off about everything, yet within a short few months she moved some bloke in & they're now married & she's expecting a baby. But then nothing really surprises me about her. 
She caused so much heartache in all sorts of ways, but she's got on with her life with no regard to anyone & this one wasn't the first she'd been with since Jamie dying. I can't & won't say her name but myself, close friends & Jamie's family refer to her as the slag!!


Anyway that aside, after his death I just went into auto pilot. Just dealing with the practicalities of everything. Sorting the funeral, talking to the lovely Minister who lead the service & dealing with paperwork etc.


Then there was the funeral to go thru. It was obvious by the amount of people who were there that Jamie was much loved & thought of. I know more would have been there had they'd known.
So many have said what a beautiful service it was...


It wasn't til I got back home, after trying to hold it together, from the funeral that everything hit home. I couldn't eat or sleep & ended up having a short stay in hospital.
Not sure if it was a good thing as it was where me & Jamie had met & of course the staff remembered him & also the two of us getting together. Some of them were unsure of what to say to me, but they all remembered Jamie with such fondness.


Sadly after my admission Jamie's Mum & I stopped talking. Both of us going thru our own personal grief, plus other factors, that I'm not going to go into here.
Thankfully we're back to normal now & trying our best to support one another.


So yeah, it's just myself now. Struggling to get thru every day, but do as best I can. I do see people & put a smile on my face, but inside it's a different story. I do breakdown in front of my friends occasionally, but on the whole I save it all for when I'm on my own.


I've got things in place now. A place for Jamie to be remembered, where I shall go too. My will is sorted & a funeral payment plan set up.
Don't ask me why but I know my days are numbered now.  I can't live with my heartache... I just want to be free from it all. I just wanted to make sure certain things were in order & by 15th June they will be, apart from one thing, but that is in the process of being made & is all paid for.


I know I have been selfish where one friend is concerned with two things I have asked of her but completely understand why she can't do either. If she reads this she'll know what it's about & hope she can forgive me for my requests. We are still close despite her not being able to do either & she has explained why, which I do completely understand. This is just a lil apology to her.


Basically I'm not coping at all, despite what people think. Sunday 5th June will be Jamie's birthday, a day I'm dreading in all honesty. I know however I seem on the outside, inside I'll be dying a lil bit more. The 15th will be even harder, but I know I'll be with family & friends who will support me.


These are the words of a broken person. Scared to carry on for much longer, but scared too to say farewell.
Whatever happens a huge thank you to all those who have been there for me, old friends & new.


There's so much more I want to write but for now, this is all I could manage.


Just wanted to share one of my favourite photos of myself & my one true love Jamie before I sign out.

Love you always Jamie. You will always be with me, in my thoughts, heart & soul. xxxxxxxx  

Jamie's Funeral Service

Funeral service of Jamie Hylton

The shock of losing Jamie is beyond words and can only be imagined how difficult this is for his loved ones, but because of who he was we celebrate his life in a way that is fitting for the person he is. Jamie was baptised as a child into the Church of England but today in keeping with what was felt would be his wishes today is not a traditional religious service but an opportunity to honour him publicly with memories of his character, through the music that was special to him and Lexi, and through private reflection. We will allow time during this service to honour him privately and to some that may be through silent prayer, and my own prayers will remain with your family at this time, and to others that will be in remembering their own personal relationship with Jamie. Our thoughts remain with Jamie’s loved ones as we remember Lexi, and Zac and Jordan and Liberty who had been looking forward to their plans to meet Jamie, and his mother Eunice, we honour the memory of his sister Sam, who’s birthday it would be today. We remember John and Sandy and his brother Stephen and sisters Alison and Debra and Adam and Jodie and Kelly with whom he was particularly close. Our thoughts remain with all, mentioned today or not.

K's reading

My friendship with Lexi has been a cornerstone in my life for over thirty years.

Although I had the very real privilege of knowing Jamie, it was sadly to be for

far less time; just the four years that he and Lexi have spent together

including as husband and wife. I believe that anyone who knew them both

during that time will agree with me that the love between them was

something very special to witness.

Lexi has asked me to read here today, from a piece she wrote herself, way

back in 1998. I hope you will understand and share its relevance today by the

time I am through.

Wants & Needs ~ by Lexi Hylton 1998

I want to feel loved, wanted & special.

I want to be held, kissed and touched as though I'm the only thing that's keeping the other person alive.
I want to be held at night when my nightmares start, by someone who I know loves me for me, and not for their own satisfaction.
Someone to wipe the tears away when life becomes unbearable and I just can't, can't go on.
Someone to talk to and understand, to hold my hand or put their arms around me, to believe in me.

I want someone to accept me for what I am and not judge me.

I need to feel fulfilled.

Please let me be me & let me be happy.
I need to see the sun rise in the morning & feel it's warmth upon my skin.
To feel the breeze gently blowing round me.
The rain to fall on my face and hide the tears that I so often shed.
I want to be able to give someone else the same as I want for myself.
I want to love & be loved.
Most of all I want to be free.
Free of the nightmares, the guilt, the shame, but most of all... me.

The reason this piece is so appropriate today is that for Lexi, Jamie answered all those dreams. For her, he truly was the answer to her prayers. Selfless, devoted, open, loving and a real friend. We all loved Jamie in our own ways, and he will be very sorely missed by many.

James Morrison ~ You Give Me Something

Eulogy

The Jamie we remember today was the sort of man who throughout his life had an ability to make you smile. He was the sort of son who was forever there for his mother and likewise with his mother in law in later years too. Lexi met him around 4 years ago in the January. Their friendship began as shared struggles but strangely enough it was those struggles that brought them together. They were friends for around 6 months before becoming more permanent. Lexi said that he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with from the first day they met. It was 2006 when they met and they were married in 2008

The Jamie Lexi met was so full of energy, frantic energy, so full of laughter and a man who was so open and honest with her. Jamie will be remembered from earlier time was a fitness fanatic, a walker and had just started jogging again, having earlier run in several marathons to raise money for the Sheffield Children’s hospital. The fitness thing was something that he put himself into so much and when he wasn’t, he was throwing himself into making other people happy. He was the sort of chap who would and could talk to anyone. In Bakewell where he lived he seemed to know everyone. So, known by so many, a fitting tribute is the fact that no one ever had a bad word about him.

Lexi said to me that the 4 years they had together were best of her life and the best of his despite all things. It was said that they were like a pair of children in love. There is a photo of the pair that K took of them in the garden, which now seems to have made it into the homes of so many. Jamie was what was called a ‘neat freak.’ His appearance was always just right and flawless, every piercing, every item of clothing the way the hair had to be.

The Jamie we honour today was one who would put pen to paper and write poetically, and in reading them would open a window into his soul and give an insight into his life, his passions and his struggles, some of which would fascinate his reader. He was a face book lover, and his wall is covered in an amazing amount of tributes to a clearly well loved man. Jamie was also quite a spiritual man and had was involved in Paganism.

As a man he was verbal as well as having an ability to write and express just who he was and where he was at. I asked what he did when he was at home, and was told how he would either be cleaning, writing, cooking, usually his favourite, spaghetti bolognaise, if not looking for someone to look after.

To tease out a word or sentence that sums up Jamie the most on such a sad day is no easy task, but I leave you with words such as big hearted, generous, and of course that smile.

Jamie’s passing has been such a shock and there are not words to make his loved ones feel any better at this time, but we honour today a man who laid aside his own troubles in pursuit of the needs of others. We wish him healing and rest reunited with Sam his beloved sister.

Afterglow

I’d like the memory of me to be a happy one

I’d like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done

I’d like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways

Of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny days

I’d like the tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun,

Of happy memories that I leave when life is done.

Any donations given in memory of Jamie are to go to cancer research and there are refreshments at the Britannia after the service.

Committal- (curtain open)

As we come to the final chapter of Jamie’s earthly life, we are glad that he has lived, and to have experienced life with him. We cherish him words, his deeds and his smile. We wish him rest, we wish for him peace. Therefore let us proceed from this place glad to have been part of his story. Even in the sadness of death, we would say that life is precious and good.

When I come to the end of the road, and the sun has set for me I want no rites in a gloom filled room, why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little but not too long, and not with your head bowed low. Remember the love that we once shared. Miss me but let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take, and each must go alone. It’s all part of the master plan, a step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sad of heart go to the friends we know, and bury your sorrows in doing good deeds. Miss me but let me go.

Snow Patrol ~ Chasing Cars

Memories ~ Part One

As I said in my previous post I was going to write about one of the most precious gifts you can have & that's good memories. No one can take them away from you & you can revisit them whenever you choose. I know I may get a little emotional as I write this but I want to share some of them with you.

It was a cold winters night & I'd gone over to Chesterfield to see a friend of mine who was in the psychiatric unit at the hospital. 

We sat on the ward for awhile just chatting & catching up with each other as it had been some time since we had last spoken. I suggested that rather than sitting on the ward that we went to the hospital cafe for a coffee. From that moment on my life changed...

We were just starting to walk down the stairs as another bloke was walking up. He spoke to my friend Steve & in an instant I knew I had to meet him properly. He stirred something inside me that I'd not felt before.

The whole time me & Steve were in the cafe I was bombarding him with questions about the bloke that Steve called Dobo. He was pretty vague about stuff but I said he needed to get this Dobo to meet me.

Eventually we strolled back up to the ward & I left, promising Steve I would ring when I got home so he knew I'd arrived safely but also asking him to see if he could convince this guy to meet me.

As promised I rang Steve & asked him if he'd managed to talk to Dobo, but he told me he'd not as something had gone off on one of the wards & it had been busy with extra patients coming onto the ward he was on. He said he would do his best to see what he could sort out.I'm not the most patient of people & was texting him every five minutes to see how he was getting on. Sadly he wasn't doing a very good job & I thought all was a lost cause but sent him one last text that said plain & simply "Get it sorted x". I waited another five minutes & decided to ring him before going to bed.

Obviously the question was on my lips... had he managed to do anything. He once again said no but whilst I was ranting at him down the phone on how you couldn't rely on a bloke to do anything this Dobo guy came & sat down in the alcove near Steve. Steve not knowing what to say just briefly explained about me & showed him the text that said Get it sorted. Thankfully Dobo told Steve to give me his number & we'd take it from there.

I felt like a teenager with their first crush. I nervously texted not knowing what to expect but I just had a good feeling about it. This Dobo turned out to be Jamie & it was the beginning of something truly magical.

We finally got to meet on the Friday evening. I spent all day feeling worked up & nervous hoping I'd make a good impression. Got myself showered & changed & set off for Chesterfield.

When I got onto the war the staff went & got Steve for me & his girlfriend was there too & then Jamie joined us several minutes later. He was even better close up. So the four of us sat & chatted for awhile then Jamie suggested me &  him went to the cafe for a coffee. I felt so nervous about it.... I was hoping I would still be able to talk to him, as believe it or not I am quite shy, & that we wouldn't have too many awkward silences. I had absolutely nothing to worry about. I know when I get talking I can take some shutting up but I'd met my match with Jamie. We sat with our drinks whilst he told me all about his past. Things hadn't been easy for him & I thought it was lovely how he opened up to me, telling me things that weren't that easy for him. I admired him for it. And so the attraction grew. Actually I knew then I wanted to be part of his life & that I'd already fallen for him. I didn't say anything as I didn't want to scare him or put him off. Heavy stuff for a first meeting.

After finishing our drinks we strolled back to the ward & had another bit of a chat with Steve, then it was time for me to leave. 

Jamie, being the gentleman he was, offered to walk me down to my car, an offer I didn't refuse so off we went still talking like mad as if we had to fit it all into that one evening.... Then it happened....

We reached my car & I unlocked it then turned round so I could say goodbye to him & he kissed me. It was one amazing kiss. I never wanted it to end. We eventually broke apart & I was at a loss at what to say & can't remember what I did say, other than I'd see him the next day & I drove home with the biggest of smiles upon my face.

That first meeting will stay with me forever. No one can erase it & I will always remember it as if it were yesterday.

I went to visit him most days & each time we had something fresh & new to talk about. I could never tire of his stories. But we decided to keep things just as friends. Jamie was in a weird relationship & I wasn't quite ready to make a commitment to anything. But we always shared a kiss before I left.

Thing was I was on a bit of a high when all this was happening & with every high there comes a low & I hit a bad one, ending up being sectioned & on the ward next to Jamie's.

To start with I wasn't allowed to see him for any length of time but he was able to go fetch my cigs for me & I trusted him to draw money out of my bank account at the cash machine within the hospital, as I was allowed off the ward. Sometimes the staff would let him come down to the smoke room so we could have a bit of a natter. But cos I couldn't see him when I wanted to the days dragged.

Eventually I was allowed onto the landing that separated our wards & we would sit out there planning all sorts of crazy stuff, or playing cards. 

Normally I'd have hated being on the unit but knowing Jamie wasn't far away made it easier.

Winter turned to spring, a time when things start to blossom & grow as did our friendship.

Over the months I had dropped little hints to Jamie that I fancied him but he chose to ignore them & we just carried on our friendship as it was, but I was content with that. At least I still had him in my life & that was what counted.

I was happy with the world, a feeling I'd not experienced in a long time, but it was Jamie who had put back that spring in my step & a smile on my face that all my friends commented on & were happy to see me like this.

It was the beginning of something so special that when I get chance I shall carry on writing.

Hope you've enjoyed it so far & look forward to what is to follow.

xxx