I usually feel very anxious about meeting new people but my new friend Mollie had very kindly arranged to get one of tyres fixed & arranged to call round Thursday to pick it up.
I'd been up all Wednesday night & felt exhausted, but no matter how hard I tried to settle I just couldn't drop off. However by about 4.30pm I could feel myself starting to want to drop off. Mollie was due at around 5.20pm & had said she was more than happy just to meet Jamie outside if I was needing to sleep & also understood about my insecurities & nervousness of meeting new people.
Jamie was more than happy to meet her & leave me to sleep but I was determined to stay awake just so I could go outside to meet her for myself. I know I would have felt really jealous (in a good way) if Jamie had got to meet her & I hadn't. So I got my determined head on & fought off the urge to sleep.
When she rang to say she was here I felt nervous & excited at the same time. A lot of the nervousness was to do with the fact I was going to be going outside at a reasonably busy time. Usually when I do venture out it's in the early hours or later on as it starts to go dark. I hate the way I look & don't want people seeing me. But I needed to meet Mollie to give her a hug & thank her for being my friend.
As soon as we saw each other a big smile appeared on my face & she came towards me & gave me one helluva hug. I knew then she was someone I hope that will be in my life for a very long time. I'm not good at meeting new people but it felt like I was meeting up with an old friend that I'd not seen for years.
We, Jamie, myself & Mollie, stood outside talking for awhile. Just chatting about things from our past. It really touched me when she said she could see us being friends for a long time to come & I really hope this is the case. I'm looking forward to the day when I'm back to my normality & start doing fun things with her, walking, talking & just generally laughing about things again.
Also my friend DK is looking forward to when I can cope with the outside world as he is also looking forward to taking me to different places. I feel really happy to be blessed with two such wonderful friends.
After having several nights of not sleeping I was relieved that Thursday night I had a peaceful & restful night. I did struggle to wake up but I must have needed the rest.
Friday was a relatively quiet day until Jamie's mum turned up. I think the world of her but god can she talk. She'd actually said she wasn't coming over but changed her mind & turned up at about 5pm. Jamie had asked her if she would give him a lift to collect my medication from the chemist, which is only about 10 minutes drive away but at this point we couldn't drive our car.
Once again Mollie came to the rescue & said she'd pick them up & bring them round on Saturday when she came to drop off the tyre. I can't get over how kind & thoughtful she is.
So Friday night we went to bed but I couldn't settle but felt relieved to hear it raining outside. I was hoping it would freshen Saturday up. I'm not going to complain about the glorious sunshine we've been having but for me it has been too hot.
Saturday dawned & it was Jamie's birthday. I'd managed to sort out a card for him but not a present. He knows how difficult it is for me to get out but I wished I'd thought to go online & find something for him. He was more than happy with the card but I have promised when I feel I can get out I'll treat him to something then.
We lazed in bed for a bit, but as Mollie was calling round I wanted to make sure I'd bathed & washed my hair. Also I was determined to get dressed, I usually like to slob about in my pyjamas, but I wanted to try & look half decent for Mollie, not that she's one to judge.
So once nice & clean I put some trousers on along with a new top that Jamie had bought for me. I felt better already. Mollie arrived at about 12.30pm & it was fantastic she had time to come in & again we talked about different things, slowly getting to know more things about each other. Even without that I feel we have a connection & understand each other without words having to be spoken.
Again being in her presence I felt calm & felt I could just be me without having to put my usual barriers up.
She stayed for a good couple of hours & although I know I'll see her again soon & understand that she has things to do, I felt sad that it was time for her to leave.
The rest of the day was spent with Jamie & myself talking about all sorts. I love our times of doing this. There's always something new that we manage to find to talk about. Not bad going as we've been together four years & it's rare we have any major time apart. I find it unusual in comparison to other relationships I've had. I soon bore but there's something about Jamie that I could never tire of. Not only am I blessed with my wonderful friends but also a loving, kind, thoughtful & caring husband. I really do feel lucky that I have love in my life.
Talking of having love in your life, I applied to get a penpal on death row & had a reply Friday night to say that I'd been accepted & was given the address of who & where to write to.
I feel I'm doing a positive thing. Many of them who are on death row have committed the most terrible of crimes, but the fact they are just sitting there with nothing to look forward to I wanted to write & hopefully give them something to look forward to, even if it is just a letter. So later on today I'm planning on writing to him for the first time.
Later on in the evening I had a lovely chat online with Mollie & once she'd gone to bed my friend DK came online & had a lovely chat with him. We don't see each other very often but by being online I usually get the chance to talk to him most days.
So yeah I've been up all night but thoroughly enjoyed it. I've spoken online to two very special friends & after saying goodnight to them I've been sat talking to Jamie.
What a beautiful day I've had & I'm looking forward to many more. It's good to be feeling more positive about life. Quite a new experience for me.
Anyway I've rambled on enough. Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to read & I look forward to writing again soon.
